Feeling guilty is good.
Featured art: Unknown
As I am now fully in swing with my psychology studies, I have been meeting a lot of people who would also like to one day become psychologists. The first thing I mention to them are my feelings of guilt, followed up with a question: do they feel guilty too? The answer I was expecting to hear was yes, they feel the same as I do. But, those were not the answers I received. It was the opposite.
The people I have interacted with up until this point do not feel guilty. I was surprised to hear of their lack of guilt. I suppose I expected most psychology students to feel guilty as well. That’s not to say that there aren’t any out there, I just haven’t met them yet.
Beyond feeling surprised at their answers, I also felt a bit…upset? I immediately thought: how could they not feel guilty? How could they not care enough to feel guilty? And that’s when it hit me.
The reason why my guilt runs so deep is because I care just as deeply. It seems so obvious, but it never really hit me until it did.
I do care enough to feel guilty.
I always used to look at my guilt as a bad thing, I mean when you look at guilt from any other perspective it is associated as a “bad” feeling. People only feel guilty when they believe they have done something wrong. They feel regretful about what they did; remorseful, shameful, they might even blame themselves. But my guilt is different.
I always thought I shouldn’t feel guilty, because it is a “bad” feeling. I believed I was doing something wrong for wanting to do psychology. I thought I would find a solution for my guilt. I thought, one day, I will be able to justify doing psychology to myself and I would be freed from the guilt. I never realized that the guilt already sets me free.
I had never before been confronted with people who did not feel guilty and when I finally was, my immediate feeling was that they don’t care enough. To clarify, I do not think my peers are heartless, I criticise them lightly. It is not up to me to decide if they care enough for their field and I am not the ultimate judge on morality. I can only speak for my own feelings. By interacting with them, I get to learn more of myself. Parts of my identity will always be reflected back to me, based on my interactions with others and the feelings they evoke from me.
What I needed was never a solution for my guilt. It was reassurance for it. What I want out of psychology is the continued proof of my humanity. I have never liked, or agreed, when psychology appears robotic and dehumanizing. I have, and will always be, an advocate for psychology that prioritizes what I like to call the “core.” It consists of connection, empathy, understanding, meaning, morality and wisdom.
If I lacked guilt, by my standards, I would be lacking the most fundamental part that invokes my humanity, and I would be buying into everything that I don’t like about psychology. I am starting to accept my guilt. My guilt is proof of my connection to others; it is proof of my empathy and my understanding towards them.
My guilt is proof of my humanity.
And that realization alone might just be enough for me to be willing to live with it.
I hope you enjoyed this shorter, follow up entry. I was not sure if I would’ve had time to write a blog entry this month, as I have been very busy with my studies lately, but I have a little gap between now and when my next assignments are due. Since I recently had my epiphany, I thought it would be the perfect thing to write about. I will try my very best to get a brand new longer one out, which is what I prefer, in the following entries to come.
Dear Avoeria
I’m extremely thankful to you for liking my post. I found your posts better than my posts. 🌹
What a lovely and sincere post, and I love the picture at the beginning.
One of the most useful things I learned from my short walk in Zen Buddhism is that feelings aren’t “good” or “bad,” they simply come up. Sometimes in response to our surroundings, our thinking, or our bodies. Noticing them and not fighting them away is a great practice. Them we can find out what we need to do next.
At first I read your post thinking, “Guilty about what?” but that doesn’t matter, does it? The people around you that say they don’t feel guilty at all, about anything, aren’t aware of their feelings. We all feel guilty, but we’ve been taught it’s bad and so we hide it away. That’s where the trouble starts. Pushed down in the ground… it germinates into something we didn’t plan to grow.
Studying psychology at university sounds like an exciting and possibly fulfilling road ahead!
Thanks for the like on my blog. Let’s do this more often.❣️
Nice job being human, keep on having inner-turmoil!
Slightly unrelated I’ve heard of other cases of glitches in emotional-synchrony like parents who got newborns and felt nothing other than “Hmm, what should I get for dinner”.
Such feelings make them feel feel guilty because of these moments often presented in medias as a big event.
People who didn’t say ‘yes’ when you asked them might just be lagging.
When I first became a social worker nearly 40 years ago, I put myself into therapy. I think it’s a must for mental health professionals to be in touch with their feelings and to know themselves more fully. We can’t help others if we are damaged material ourselves. I believe you will be an excellent psychologist! You are already on the right track.
“What I needed was never a solution for my guilt. It was reassurance for it. ” 👌
Psychology is not everyone’s cup of tea. And so does Philosophy. So never dwell on others reactions.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences about guilt – I can relate. Feeling guilt is a great catalyst for personal growth. It can motivate us to find the sources or solutions for the guilt in psychology (and / or philosophy). I have done both. If I had not felt any guilt about anything psychology would probably not have had much value to me.
Jean-Jacques
Good luck in psychology. Even though I specialized in creative writing and philosophy, I find myself reading many champions of psychology. My “guilty” pleasure is evolutionary psychology. I wish you nothing but a wonderful journey.
Wonderful post and words… Love the photo…
Guilt is universal, admitting to it? That’s personal preference really.
Well spoken, or rather. written. Psychology would have been a far better choice for me than politics ! Half way through the first term, at least I knew that I’d never be a politician, or want to be.
But do you mean guilt, or weakness ?
I used to hide in the nearest available corner. This is no longer an option.
I love your sincere expressions in your writing. The truth is I like psychology. It helps one’s emotional intelligence by being self-aware. I may be wrong to say your self awareness possibly evoked the guilt feeling. Yours quoted below places two opposing, yet related approaches – guilt on wrong and guilt on choice. I guess some day you would write on how you “justify doing psychology” and the discovery in psychology that evokes the sense of guilt.
“People only feel guilty when they believe they have done something wrong. They feel regretful about what they did; remorseful, shameful, they might even blame themselves. But my guilt is different.
“I always thought I shouldn’t feel guilty, because it is a “bad” feeling. I believed I was doing something wrong for wanting to do psychology. I thought I would find a solution for my guilt. I thought, one day, I will be able to justify doing psychology to myself and I would be freed from the guilt. I never realized that the guilt already sets me free.” It is a great piece.
Hi–thanks for liking my blog post earlier. I wanted to say, first–good luck with your journey, through psychology and life. Second, I enjoyed reading your post about how your favorite books influenced you with their principles. I think it’s really interesting how we pick up things from books we love, things that resonate. I still remember the Litany Against Fear from my readings of Dune.
I’m a little confused still about the guilt. But maybe, given what you said in one of the responses, it’s about worrying whether you will be able live up to the responsibility in a matter of importance to others? I can understand that–I would think that medical students also and for that matter, parents, have some sense of that as well. Maybe I just wouldn’t label it “guilt” so much as “a sense of heavy responsibility”. And yes, I would want people to have a bit of that. It shows humility and seriousness.
Happy studying!
Guilt is not only good but necessary. If we are to have any hope of improvement, or any chance for making amends for our errors, then we need the drive to change – guilt and shame help us in this.
Beautiful! Thank you. “My guilt is proof of my connection to others; it is proof of my empathy and my understanding towards them.”
——Shirley
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I think guilt is a fascinating emotion because people don’t always feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong, and sometimes they feel deeply guilty even when they haven’t done anything wrong at all.
Perhaps guilt is less about whether we’ve objectively done something wrong and more about how much responsibility we hold ourselves accountable for when people around us experience pain. Some people carry the burden of others’ suffering even when they had little control over it, while others may cause pain without experiencing much guilt.
And there is no objective measure of how much guilt someone should feel. Its presence doesn’t necessarily prove empathy, just as its absence doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of care.
I agree that guilt can reflect our capacity for empathy and connection. But I also think we need to be careful not to measure our humanity by how much guilt we’re willing to carry. Sometimes, understanding that we weren’t responsible for someone else’s pain is just as important as acknowledging when we were.
Thank you so much for this perspective, I find a lot of comfort in it! I think if I’d heard this sooner, it would have helped me a great deal.
I always appreciate when my perspective gets challenged a bit, because it forces me to defend it. In my real life, my philosophies are rarely challenged, so I’m not pushed to think more deeply, and that can become lost potential. I care more about the truth than about being right or wrong. If I can defend my stance well, great, and if not, I come out of it with a better perception!
Your point that guilt can reflect how much responsibility we assign ourselves, rather than whether we’ve actually done something wrong, really resonated. I’ve learned a lot about my guilt since writing this post. One framework that’s helped me is seeing guilt as a sign that we may be out of alignment with who we believe we are. That might also explain why some people don’t feel guilty when they do something “bad”: subconsciously, their actions may fit their sense of self, for better or for worse.
For me, a lot of my guilt came from doing psychology. I worried I’d be taking advantage of people by charging them to help them find meaning. But I know I’m not someone who would take advantage of anyone, and I know I mean no harm, so the guilt didn’t match reality. It was more like a misfiring alarm. If taking advantage of someone would mean I don’t care, then the opposite is what’s true: I do care. 🙂
I’d also clarify that I don’t see guilt as the only measure of humanity, or as what creates it. I just think it can be one sign that our empathy, and therefore our humanity, are still there. But I 100% agree we should be careful about weighing humanity or empathy by how much guilt we feel!